it has been one week since paul left our home.  the first few days i ignored it.  since then it has set in.  heavy.  it is a good heavy, though… the kind of drop in your belly you get from a roller coaster or when a plane takes off.  i have spent days cleaning and rearranging the home.  i have not slept in the bed in weeks.  i do not intend to until i get my new sheets that i ordered.  they should be here any day.  i look forward to the change.  i am looking forward to many things right now.  it has been so long now since i have felt like myself; felt like doing things for myself… and now i do.  and it is truly amazing.  i feel like the light inside of me got turned back on again and i walk around with a silly grin on my face each day.  i just feel glad at this moment.  and i am trying to breathe deeply and remember exactly how every second of this feels.  it feels nice.  and right now, it is all i could ask for.  how interesting to be back in this place after four years together… and here it all is apart.  the thing is, i thought i would mind… but i honestly dont.  its just… pleasant.